I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
