so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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