We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
