well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
