just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
