don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
