sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
