Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it glows. i had to have it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
