Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
