How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
