He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
