you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
