Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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