He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
