They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
