Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
3 2 1 whiskey
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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