So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
