I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
