sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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