We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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