Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
