You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
