Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
