Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
