my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
