Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
