So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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