After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
