ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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