I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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