Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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