I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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