"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
