So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
