You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We are two peas in an std pod
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
