if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
