Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
