hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
