And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she peed on how many people?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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