Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
