Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
