the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
