she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
