Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
