just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
