Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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