I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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