DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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