I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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