i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
