Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
