I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
