hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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